Notebook 06 Pg 94

The Notes

• Powered entirely by the force of his own smugness
• Radioactive pound shop
• Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
• No Irish Egyptians
• Contrafibularities
• Real people's as Ian
• Very few people are pro-cancer

The Commentary 

Powered entirely by the force of his own smugness
A good line and thus without a doubt purloined from somewhere other than the interior of me.
I am only worried that by using it I end up embodying the very smugness I am hoping to highlight.
I think definitions are fairly dependent on your POV at the time; If you fancy someone they are self-confident, if you are not sure you fancy them then they are a bit cocky and if you don't fancy them then they are an arrogant arsehole.

Radioactive pound shop
I have lost sight of where I was going with this. For now I would say probably best avoiding it as a retail outlet. Having all your hair fall out in return for paying a quid for a big bag of out of date Maltesers is a good indication that you may want to do some work on your decision making skills.

Pain is inevitable suffering is optional
I can't quite remember who said this. It may have been a venerable Zen monk, but Buddhists  are not one's to dismiss the existence of suffering with quite such self-confident / arrogant arseholedness.
I have vague recall of someone with biceps running to bulge, sunglasses and a great regard for his own whispery delivery of half-baked poppycock stolen from every Little Book Of...ever written.


No Irish Egyptians
The only way I can make any sense of this is if I was thinking (ruminating like a grass intolerant cow) were there any Irish Egyptians?  I'm sure there are some citizens of the world who take great pride that their DNA combines the heritage of two of the worlds most buildery peoples.

Contrafibularities
I knew using this word was interfrastically risky as such pericombulations would leave you feeling a liitle anaspeptic and frasmotic if not entirely compunctous.

Real people's as Ian
Baffled I can only mark this as another episode of my child like tumblings down the un-safety gated staircase into madness.

Very few people are pro-cancer 
A quote culled from The Little Book of The Blatantly Obvious.

Notebook 06 Pg 108

The Notes

• You have been weighed in the balance (of history) and found wanting
• Danel Babylon
• Strange drawing of Romano-Celtic-Hittite man apparently wearing evening gloves
• If you really do not believe in god you'd tell him to his face
• Ear Puff -> Headphones Earplug Foam Form Pillow
• I presume a very untechnical drawing of Ear Puffs

 The Commentary
You have been weighed in the balance and found wanting
I don't think I meant you. I think this is a quote from the bible in one of its more gleeful fits of ooh-you're-for-it-now post-life judging.

Danel Babylon
I assume this is related to the above quote so maybe Danel is meant to be Daniel and i was too busy to go to all the trouble of writing the extra i!  In all probability this is the fellow depicted in the drawing but why I suddenly felt an urge to illustrate this particular rambling I have no idea.

Strange drawing of Romano-Celtic-Hittite man with evening gloves and slightly camp pose 
Who doesn't doodle? And psychologists would have us believe that doodles can be useful in decoding the  subconscious brain processes. So, obviously I have a hankering to become a warrior transvestite. Notice the little details; like a fringe to what might be his dress or maybe his plate armour. Is that a deliberate off the shoulder number or a nod to the casual toga? Is he wearing evening gloves or gauntlets? A status medallion or a lovely, if slightly ostentatious pendant?  Is that long, girly hair or Brave Heartian flowing locks? A big manly beard or a slightly suspect George Michael rough look? Are those hands placed pertly on his hips or does he have a withered arm having had it hacked whilst heroically hurling himself headlong against the horrible hoards of Henghis the Complete Bastard?
Is he sporting coquettish knee-highs or are they battle bashed greaves? Are they Ug boots or just a thug's boots?   Thus the entire eternal masculine/ feminine conflict is here wrapped inside an ink dribble that wouldn't get past the post room of Take Hart

If you really do not believe in God you'd tell him to his face. Not me.
A good argument for anyone wishing to play Devils advocate so to speak.


Ear Puff -> Headphones Earplug Foam Form Pillow
Very un-technical mock drawing of Ear Puffs 
If I catch you waving this around on Dragons' Den I'll be very hurt

Notebook 02 Pg 28

The Notes

• Doctors see with their hands
• Oxo, sherbet Pedigree Chum
• If being Stuck in a swamp with Christine Hamilton and Anthony Warrell Thomson is 'reality' then I say pass me the mind altering drugs
• Fe Fi Fo Fum I hear Chris Eubanks mobile phone
• Nicking your mangle and having it resprayed
• Leonardo Da Vinci
• Tap dancing code
• Opera did happen
• Freedom is not grad/gred/greed

The Commentary

Doctors see with their hands
After washing them thoroughly first we hope.

Oxo, sherbet, Pedigree Chum
You may not want to come round my house for dinner tonight.
I think this was something about brands that have been around for more than a century.

If being stuck in a swamp with Christine Hamilton and Antony Worrall Thomson is 'reality' then I say pass me the mind altering drugs
I believe this was during the first broadcast of that soul suckingly sad series. I stick to my original opinion on this one I'm afraid.

Fe Fi Fo Fum I hear Chris Eubanks mobile phone
A cheap swipe at Christopeher's speech pattern and thus unworthy of merit.
Though to slightly redeem myself I do remember that even though no one is quite sure where the whole 'fe fi fo fum' originates there is one great hypothesis that the expression is a linguistic relic from a time before any modern language existed. That it is a very, very, very old form of counting that got passed down from Mother to child. A great theory alas there is no evidence but it sounds cool.

Nicking your mangle and having it resprayed 
I think I heard this in response to someone putting forward the argument that in the  good old days people could leave their doors open without fear of being burgled. This above was used as part of the argument that this wasn't because people were nicer back then but that they had bugger all worth stealing. 

Leonardo Da Vinci
I'm pretty sure this was in relation to something.
Perhaps I wanted to unmask to the world that Leonardo Da Vinci kept notebooks and wrote from right to left in a so called mirror style; whereas a moments reflection   reveals that I write from left to right, keep notebooks, am called Vinc(e) and am a Leo. Hah! bloodline that Danny boy Brown!

Tap dancing code
Obviously the above revelation sent me spiraling into madness as I can't even begin to figure out what this might mean. Maybe Lionel Blair keeps the Holy Grail hidden inside an ancient Give Us a Clue script beneath an old glass coffee table guarded by the twin miming priestesses Goddard & Stubbs.

Opera did happen
Yep definitely booked meself a bargain break at a B&B in Bonkerville at this point.


Freedom is not grad/gred/greed
I can't actually read my own writing here but I am going to opt for greed in the hope that it returns me to some degree of  (all be it a bit preachy-pious) reality after the wittering ramblings above.

Notebook 03 Pg 98

The Notes

• A man is not necessarily intelligent because he has plenty of  ideas any more than he is a good general because he has plenty of soldiers - Chamfort
• Pens, umbrellas, lighters and ideas
• I'm not a fatalist but even if I were what could I do about it? - Emo Philips
• A diamond bigger than the Sun  (BPM37093)
• I refuse to engage in an argument with anyone with an IQ lower than the chair they are sitting in.
• Forcing film Directors to make directors commentary on awful films they have made.
  

The Commentary

- Knock Knock
- No, it is you that is wrong
I think I heard this on the Daily Show as an example of Middle Eastern humour. Granted a tad cliched but funny none the less.


'A man is not necessarily intelligent because he has plenty of  ideas any more than he is a good general because he has plenty of soldiers' Chamfort
The fact that I had the chutzpah to write this quote down in amongst hundreds of notebooks containing thousands of ideas proves me to be pretty much as good a General as Idi Amin and probably just as delusional. By the way, Chamfort is an interesting fellow, though his demise was probably not a way many would choose to go, poor man.

Pens, umbrellas, lighters and ideas
A list of things that have a tendency to start out belonging to one person and then frequently change ownership.

'I'm not a fatalist but even if I were what could I do about it?' - Emo Philips
Brevity is the soul of wit.

A diamond bigger than the Sun  BPM37093
This is true. bpm37093 is a star made entirely of compressed carbon which is also known as diamond. Wearing my unapologetic bloke's jaunty angled hat I think all three billion of us men should get off our collective arse, go out and bring it back as a gift because;

• It would give us a great big project/ task/ adventure to be getting on with
• It would get us out of the house (off the planet) for a few hours (years) so you could tidy up a bit (repair ecological damage)
• There would be something for you to look forward to as we came home sheepishly clutching a 1.98892×1,00,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Kilogram diamond
• This would surely be the envy of all the other feminine species in the galaxy

I know it's a bit sexist (and of course you are more than welcome to come along on operation 
Sparklefind if you want) but it is great big shiny shiny diamond sexist.

 
I refuse to engage in an argument with anyone with an IQ lower than the chair they are sitting in.
Hah positively Swiftian in its rapier like edge, though I don't think I've ever actually said it to anyone, certainly not twice.


Forcing film Directors to make directors commentary on awful films they have made.
This should be made mandatory. He or she should have to explain what the buggery bollocks they were thinking when they made this 120 minutes of cack and then justify why they thought it ok to make me sit through it.

Notebook 05 Pg 136

-The Notebook-

• Wilson Kepple and Betty (and Herman Goring).
• That omniversal churning anxiety feeling at customs and checkpoints.
• "Shift that fat arse Harris but do it slowly, I don't want this boat being upset and I don't fancy swimming with an iceberg. "
• Watching two men dig a hole...
• Thanks Stanislav Petrov, a lot.
• Semantic Antics: Satellite, Girl, Worry, Meticulous.
• Be still my sparking neurons.

-The Commentary-

Wilson Kepple and Betty - (and Herman Goring)

For these guys Youtube came thirty years too late.  Of course I don't recall Herman Goring either in his capacity as Hitler's successor or head of the Luftwaffe  as having contributed to their act. Then I remembered that the original Betty (there were up to 12) left to become a journalist and covered the Nuremberg trials including Goring's last public performance.

That omniversal churning anxiety feeling  at customs and checkpoints
No matter how 'clean' and good citizenry I am feeling this still creeps over me in the face of enquiring authority. I think it is just knowing that regardless of the rules if they do want to make things difficult they can, not that they will but that they can and that my options for doing anything about it are limited. The inequity irks me I guess.

"Shift that fat arse Harris but do it slowly, I don't want this boat being upset and I don't fancy swimming with an iceberg? "
Bet you can't guess who said this? I love it because it captures the genuine spirit of a man who has since been somewhat mythologised but was 'just' a very practical man trying to do a very difficult job in very trying circumstances yet retaining a sense of hum(o)ur. It was fat arsed Harris himself who remembered George Washington saying it to him as they crossed the Delaware.

Watching two men dig a hole...
The fact that I wrote this down probably whilst they were digging and then failed to expand on what was worthy of recording such an everyday event is in the very least a bit intriguing. I like to think that I stopped scribbling, rolled up my sleeves and jumped in to help, somewhere on earth there is another notebook with just the words 'watching three men dig a hole...' and so on until we reached Australia

Thank Stanislav Petrov a lot
We all should, seriously we should.

Semantic Antics:Satellite, Girl, Worry, Meticulous

I remember this was a programme/ article on how words change meaning over time and these were some examples:
Satellite meant bodyguard (they protected the planets) girl was originally used for both young man and young woman, worry meant to choke and meticulous meant scared or afraid.

Be still my sparking neurons
Oh that delicious melange of neuroscience, Shakespeare and irony. Maybe I should think about being a writer.

Notebook 07 Pg 72

-The Notebook-

• Harry Bees
• The bald headed man at the back of the Clapham omnibus.
• 'Only the true good can be truly free as only they know the price':  Milton
• Intelligence Conceptual definition: The ability to profit from experience, Pragmatic definition: That which intelligence test measures
• 'I must create my own system or be enslaved by another man'   William Blake
• My apartment is right on the corner of Crap and West 50 shit Street
• Palliative care; Advanced illness from which there is no recovery                                                  'The traditional route is to chuck morphine at them and throw a nun their way'.
• Thistles, nettles, brambles and thin trousers.
• Capering appears to have pranced quietly into the shadows as a Human activity.

-The Commentary-

Harry Bees
Harry bees if you are reading this I am so sorry but I have no idea who you are.
I am pretty sure this is probably meant to say Harry Beck whose iconic work almost everyone in the world is aware of, especially Londoners who walk past him everyday. He designed the Tube map. 

The bald headed man at the back of the Clapham omnibus
Apparently this was the full original saying. It has now been reduced (if used at all) to just 'the Man on the Clapham omnibus' as a way of saying Jo(e) average.

'Only the true good can be truly free as only they know the price'
                                                                                                 Milton
Ah Vincent, Vincent, Vincent how many times must we remind our-self that a halo is only ever six inches from being a noose?

Intelligence
Conceptual definition: The ability to profit from experience
Pragmatic definition: That which intelligence test measures
It came as a bit of a shock to find that the only way we practically define someone's 'intelligence' is by the results we get after they have taken an intelligence test, which  have been developed because we have no actual way of genuinely measuring intelligence!
I know this can be a bit hard to get your head around, the best explanation I can think of is a remark I overheard a military strategist once use in regard to the UK's role during its final year in Iraq, he said "the last thing we want is a cooks and guards scenario which he went on to explain as 'where you end up with an outpost in which the only the guards and cooks remain and guards are only there to guard the cooks and the cooks are only there to cook for the guards.
In the same way our intelligence is measured by our taking tests which have been designed purely as a way of measuring our ability to take intelligence tests. 

I must create my own system or be enslaved by another man
                                                                            William Blake

Bless William Blake wandering around the filthy, miserable ricket-rampant syphilis strewn streets of old London Town and seeing Eden there in. I have indeed created my own system over the course of twenty five years called Humanichs and would love to share it with you but I think I should ease you in gently, so we shall wait for another day, well it will take more than a day or days or weeks, months...exactly how long can you spare?

My apartment is right on the corner of Crap and West 50 shit Street
Guessing I was in what one would call a bit of a mood when I wrote this.
 
Palliative care; Advanced illness from which there is no recovery
'Traditional route is to chuck morphine at them and throw a nun their way.'
A very interesting programme on palliative care produced the above quote from this person who was the embodiment of someone employing both wisdom and compassion beautifully.

Thistles, nettles, brambles and thin trousers.
Obviously a bad mix, less obvious is why I felt it needed to be written down? Perhaps I feared my descendant's tragically ending their lives entangled in a blackberry bush crying 'Why oh why weren't we warned?' 


Capering appears to have pranced quietly into the shadows as a Human activity
Be honest I bet you haven't capered for at least ten years have you? See, you are partially to blame for its downfall. Type capering into Google and not one singe picture of anyone doing it will come up.
This is disgraceful. Get in touch and let's set up a group to bring much needed capering back into the world. I even have a modern name for it: 'outside caperers'

Notebook 07 Pg 102

-The Notes- 

• "What would help your campaign?"                                                                                                   "The electorate not being a bunch of slack jawed idiots determined to vote themselves back into the poorhouse."
• Stone face  Tube later
• Nostalgia = retrospective utopia
• * Past minus negative bits
• * Truth but not complete
• 'If we won the cold war it means the whole of Eastern Europe got classed as losers
• 'Longing for a past but not for the past regime'
• Cottage cheese and chocolate
• WW2 the British interned a German Lion tamer
• Fishing isn't all that much about fishing

-The Commentary-

"What would help your campaign?"

"The electorate not being a bunch of slack jawed idiots determined to vote themselves back into the poorhouse."
I heard this interview on Air America radio. People so often complain that what they want is honest politicians. This guy was being brutally honest and I'm guessing he has yet to even get to wrap his arms around the very bottom of the political greasy pole.


Stone face  Tube later
Some kind of shipping forecast for surfers perhaps? No idea. Any suggestions welcome.


Nostalgia = retrospective utopia
* Past minus negative bits
* Truth but not complete
This makes sense so I'll take a guess and say I was probably reading or listening to something about nostalgia. 


'if we won the cold war it means the whole of Eastern Europe got classed as losers
'Longing for a past but not for the past regime'
Ah, yes I remember now this is part of the above. They were talking to older people in Eastern Europe ten years after the cold war had ended. Particularly the astonishing rise in the popularity of the old Communist parties.



Cottage cheese and chocolate
I think this was mentioned in the above as a local delicacy that had been forgotten. I do believe my reaction was similar to yours. So, to prove I don't just sit here in the dark making this all up I went and found this for you. That's your lunch sorted.


WW2 the British interred a German Lion tamer
I think this is my third mention of Lion tamers in a week. Have I missed my calling? As a Leo do I secretly long to be locked in a cage whilst being held at bay with chair and whip by a commanding presence in top hat & spangly waistcoat? (Who doesn't?) 



Fishing isn't all that much about fishing
This is either so profound it's almost Zen or absolute no-nonsense nonsense. I incline to the latter.

Notebook -01 Pg 16

-The Notes-

• Marinate in the lachrymose.
• Semantically freighted.
• Part teacher, part talent scout, part lion tamer.
• Given enough brains all problems can be rendered minor.
• Cartoon of a fox addressing chickens 'I have gathered you all here to deliberate upon the sauce in which you will be served'.
• No one loves armed missionaries'.
• Designosaurs.

-The Commentary-

Marinate in the lachrymose.

Think I must have been wearing my pants of fancy when I wrote some of these. Marinate in the lachrymose is just a way of saying drowning in your own tears. A phrase that is all but guaranteed (if addressed to the tearful) to stop someone crying, if only whilst they consider what an absolute twazzock you are managing to be in their hour of distress.

Semantically freighted.

This phrase has some great application which I can't for the life of me remember - I believe it has  something to do with words moving to meaning something other than that which they were originally used.
No doubt I  snatched it without a 'by your leave Stephen' from Mr Fry's lexicographical oesophagus.

Part teacher, part talent scout, part lion tamer.

I know what I was thinking here, a rarity I know. This is part of a long long series of thoughts upon education which as this entry is being written early on a Sunday morning I have absolutely no intention of boring you with. Maybe one day I will at which I bet you are sitting there squirming like a birthday eve child in anticipation.

Given enough brains all problems can be rendered minor.

A simple rewrite of the brilliant Linux open source maxim for writing computer code that 'given enough eyeballs all bugs are shallow.'

Cartoon of a fox addressing chickens 'I have gathered you all in here to deliberate upon the sauce in which you will be served.

This was a cartoon published during the French revolution when the parliament was being asked to vote itself out of existence. Useful as a reminder as I have often found myself in meetings of when we are being asked to do something that is going to make more (and usually more unpleasant) work for everyone involved.

No one loves armed missionaries.

I just remember a commentator making this to salient observation round about the beginning of operations in Iraq

Designosaurs.

Don't know who exactly this was aimed at - unimaginative public housing architects probably.

Notebook 39 Pg 24

-The Notes-

• Aghhh - apparently the twelve dollar 'entirely voluntary' entrance fee pays the cost of employing the person whose job it is to collect the twelve dollar entrance fee
• 60 Guilders duffel cloth kettles axes hoes and some wampum
• Caught myself waiting for the DVD to rewind
• Perpetual universal opulence lived in a state of compassion and wisdom emulating the divine.  Addendum 11/10/04 7:22 - Addended addendum 'why is the date and time of any relevance?'
• The true administration of justice is the firmest pillar of government
• The dissappointment of going underneath the United Nations
• Mother and daughter in matching Mink on 5th avenue

-The Commentary-

Aghhh  apparently the twelve dollar 'entirely voluntary' entry fee goes towards the cost of employing the person whose job it is to collect the twelve dollar entrance fee!
This was the entirely straight-faced answer given to me by a museum in New York when I questioned why they advertised it as free admission but had bulldog faced individuals at reception insisting on a voluntary donation. Turns out everything in there was second-hand anyway.



60 Guilders, duffel cloth, kettles, axes, hoes and some wampum.
My shopping lists do leave me wondering what I was up to that week.
This is really the price that the Dutch settlers paid to the Lenape native Americans in exchange for the island of Manhattan. Often known as the greatest real estate bargain in history, of course the Native Americans had no concept of land actually being owned by anyone so as far as they were concerned they were getting a load of free stuff and a piece of very, very thin wood with soot on it which the traders kept gleefully thrusting under their nose whilst jabbering gobbledegook. Still, a deals a deal as long as no one gets ripped off right?


Caught myself waiting for the DVD to rewind.
One is definitely of a certain age if one does this.



Perpetual universal opulence lived in a state of compassion and wisdom emulating the divine.  Addendum 11/10/04 7:22 
Addended addendum 'why is the date and time of any relevance?'
The first bit is fairly unambiguous - the hopes and aspirations for the Human race - though I spy ego in the necessity of putting in a time and date - which my addended addendum seems to imply I spotted and thus sparked off another internal brain spat.


The true administration of justice is the firmest pillar of government.'
Whenever you watch a film set in a court room in New York it will  inevitably include a shot of the court house steps.
Carved above those steps atop the huge Corinthian columns is this phrase as quoted by George Washington. Alas in 2009 it was discovered he didn't, well not exactly - the word 'true ' was in fact the word 'due' which goes to show that just because something is carved in twenty foot letters above the supreme court in one of the richest, most powerful places on Earth doesn't make it true (or due). Here endeth the lesson.



The disappointment of going underneath the United Nations 
To all those who honestly believe the UN is a really part of some huge conspiracy to rule the world  I offer you its very disappointing gift shop.  A brilliant example of our Human capacity for brilliance and rubbishness so often at the same time. The UN is a fine example  of Humankind in its striving for justice and equality for all. Its gift shop is a glowing testament to the global capacity to make tacky  cliched gimcrackery by the bucket.



Mother and  six year child in matching mink on 5th Avenue
Honestly, talk about Herod's wife and  daughter. The mum looked like mutton dressed as carrion and the daughter looked like a fat Shirley Temple being eating by a small bear. Horrible sight.

Notebook 13 Pg 24

\-The Notes-

• Prophet of a litigious age. In 1969 P.K Dick wrote a novel (UBIK) with characters being sued by their own front door.
• How many more fragments before I start scribbling properly?
• On average the emotion of Rage can only be sustained for 5 minutes - get through the temporary madness.
• For £1.00 / $1.00 I can guarantee you eternity.
• 6.5 billion stars, one stripe.
• Permanent occupation up on the moral high ground.
• Squircles.
• Heard on BBC radio 4:                      

Interviewer: So what would you do if you won the lottery
Woman:      What would I do? Probably start jumping around telling everyone!

-The Commentary-

Prophet of a litigious age. In 1969 P.K Dick wrote a noel (UBIK) with characters being sued by their own front door.
He did indeed. If I remember rightly he envisioned an entire Pay-As-You-Go planet. In this case the main character has an urgent task but is unable to afford the exit fee to go out of his own talking front door, as it howls in protest he forces it open at which point it shrieks about suing him.
How many more fragments before I start scribbling properly?
Many, many, many more with alas no end in sight.

On average the emotion of Rage can only be sustained for 5 minutes. Get through the temporary madness.
A useful bit of knowings especially in the face of someone who is incandescent, squawking like a loon and hopping around like a bananaless Bonobo.
Just glance at your watch and remind yourself that in five minutes they probably won't be.


For £1.00 / $1.00 I can guarantee you eternity
Excellent value for money. How thoroughly remiss of me to have lost how I intended to do this.
Not really, I do of course know how to offer you eternity for a pound but I can only tell you on days that don't have a Y in them.



6.5 billion stars one stripe
A great metaphor for a future planet of equality freedom and friendship or an image of a nightmare clone-alone society. Probably knowing us domesticated primates a bit of both.



Permanent occupation up on the moral high ground
My shameless ego offers great deals on tents, bivouacs and all your camping needs for you to come on up and share this self righteous plot. A great opportunity to look down on everyone and be so far up you need never hear what anyone else has to say ever again.


Squircles 
This may bring a tiny tiny tight smile to someone who spends their life chalking great streams of algebra. But is no doubt sub own-brand nonsense to everyone else.
 

Heard on BBC radio 4:
Interviewer:        What would you do if you won the lottery 
Young Woman:  What would I do? Probably start jumping around telling everyone
Brilliant!

Notebook 08 Pg 75

-The Notes-

• The number of fluffy toys on your desk is in direct inverse proportion to your niceness
• There never was a philosopher yet that could bear a toothache patiently
• A college of witcrackers can not flout me out of my humour
• I have an allergic reaction to conferred power
• Power bowing
• Rich lithe and languid or spoilt, thin and lazy?
• It appears to me that intelligence equals how quickly you realise that maybe you are talking a load of rubbish whilst you are talking said load of rubbish
• Never underestimate the power of a hackneyed worn out old phrase
• I've just heard about the 1st International sneaker battle
• Down, down, down, down, down. Spiral of loose threads become an ever tightening noose

-The Commentary-

The number of fluffy toys on your desk is in direct inverse proportion to your niceness
Yep, this holds true. Plus when you tell them you get to while away a few hours in the office listening to the howls of protest coming from behind their troll and saccharine-bear festooned mounds.

There never was a philosopher yet that could bear a toothache patiently
Ain't nothing ever come out of my head that I haven't found out later to have come out of Shakespeare's balding noggin five hundred years earlier and as many times better.

A college of witcrackers can not flout me out of my humour
Another gem. The only thing I could think would be rubbish about being Shakespeare would be on all your friend's birthdays etc. The weight of expectation when they opened the card would be way too much. He could never just write 'have a good one, Love Bill' could he?

Allergic reaction to conferred power
In my experience the further you go up the ladder the further away you get from the problems you are supposed to be solving.Thus I have decided I am one of life's Sergeants, positions above and below which are 'too short for Dick and too Long for Richard' as a wise man once said.

Power bowing
No idea, perhaps I was trying to crack the difficult Japanese business exercise market?

Rich, lithe and languid or spoilt, thin and lazy?
I believe I was wandering down Park Avenue when I had this duality of mind and tried to find two equally descriptive but disparate ways of looking at Ladies who lunch.

It appears to me that intelligence equals how quickly you realise that maybe you are talking a load of rubbish whilst you are talking a load of rubbish.
I may start preceding entries like this with OQ to signify that I believe this to be an original quote, or am I indeed talking a load of rubbish?

Never underestimate the power of a hackneyed worn out old phrase.
Was I wrong?

I've just heard about the 1st International sneaker battle (at a celebrity car show)
Alas I never made it. But I found this to prove it wasn't the ravings resulting from nocturnal cheese.

Down, down, down, down, down . Spiral loose threads become an ever tightening noose.
Nothing like ending a page on a high note.

Notebook 12 Pg 101

-The Notes-

• Feared, frightened, financed, forgotten
• Vicenance / Vinance
• V=Split Up
• CANS = Committe Against Noxious Stimuli
• Despin Unspin
• Verbal sword vencing
• Argument monitoring
• House
• 101

-The Commentary-

Feared, frightened, financed, forgotten
A rage against the ruthless rapacious race for riches.
At least I'm guessing that was what I was trying to say in my own alliterative/illiterative way.

Vicenance / Vinance
Oh, hello Vince's massive ego! Its been pages since we last saw you.
Once more I appear to be attempting to coin-phrase myself into history.
Note to self, very few of Shakespeare's works contain lines like;
'My liege why for hast thou such a Shaketastic cast upon thy brow?'

V=Split Up
Is the V referring to me? Probably. Maybe I meant to write V= don't type anything so oblique that you can't understand it in a weeks time.

CANS = Committee Against Noxious Stimuli
I still think this would be an excellent idea for a group that wanted ultimately to have world domination. Noxious stimuli is biologically everything in Universe you do not like.
If you would like to be on the inside of this committee feel free to come along to one of our upbeat and positive CANS do's.

Despin Unspin
An attempt to spin the word spin - I guess I thought that adding despin to spin would reverse the spin and thus stop it. That was the plan and as you look around our bright shiny new world of candour, disambiguation and untrammeled honesty you can see it worked like a charm.
Come let us go lace daises in one another hair and call each other sister.

verbal sword vencing
I must have meant fencing surely? Unless..unless there's a secret sport you have been keeping from me! Is there? Is there?

Argument monitoring
On this dingbat planet this would be one very busy department.

House
Obviously decades before Hugh Laurie made it big I was prophicising his future triumph.

101
This had me absolutely stumped, until I realised it was the page number and I had written it in an hour ago...don't say anything, just don't.

Notebook 24 Pg 59

- The Notes-

• Life Gym - but not as we know it
• 'a place that only exists to avoid the embarrassment of leaving a large empty space on the map'
• Pablo Diego Jose Francisco De Paula Juan Nepomuceno Maria De Los Angeles Remedios Cipriano de -la Santisma Trinidad Ruiz Picasso
• As mercurial as a crowd
• Braille mirror
• Joke - left brain, right brain meet
• M- Appeal /Emma Peel
• Von Stroheim Avengers
• Happy Day
• Faith and Science too busy bickering to remember us sobbing children on the staircase
• Cutting out salt reduces the risk of heart problems by removing all the excitement from your diet
• Plenty of variety but no choice

-The Commentary-

Life Gym - but not as we know it
I believe I was thinking about producing a mental equivalent to a sports facility branding it as a Life Gym. So did you see what I did there? Of course I was then too intellectually lazy to get off my arse and do it, another slice of irony pie anyone?

'place only exists to avoid the embarrassment of leaving a large empty space on the map'
A great quote and therefore bound not to be of my own devising.

Pablo Diego Jose Francisco De Paula Juan Nepomuceno Maria De Los Angeles Remedios Cipriano de la Santisma Trinidad Ruiz Picasso
Yep, this really was Picasso's name - apparently any painting on which he hasn't signed using his full name is a fake.

As mercurial as a crowd
I made this up and whilst it was in my head it seemed like a great metaphor. Alas when it comes to good metaphors my head is like a shockingly built thing for rubbishly sifting out stuff.

Braille mirror
I can't get my head around this at all. I don't think I was being facetious, I think I may have thought of those pin sculptures you press against and they leave an outline - but even typing that out reveals to me what a piss poor edition of Tomorrows World that would have made.

Joke = left brain, right brain meet
I think this may be true - first you logicaly set up the premise and then you have an unexpected revelation etc. Though I have no evidence at hand to back it up. Proof that any discussion on what makes something funny endorses Mark Twain's observation that 'humo(u)r is like a frog, dissect it and it dies.'

M- Appeal /Emma Peel
I think the whole M-appeal/ Emma Peel thing may have been a much better play on words if I had any recollection of what exactly an M- Appeal was or is.

Von Stronheim Avengers
Okay so a quick wiki reminds me who he is and maybe his being the ultimate screen villain was somehow tied into this concept but why Avengers? Ah I just thought, 'Avengers! so maybe an idea for a TV series? Who knows? We shall never know.

'Happy Day'
I am glad it was but have no particular recall as to what marked it out as such

Faith and Science are far too busy bickering to remember us sobbing children on the staircase
A deliberately unsubtle swipe at the 'much heat but very little light' argument which rages on and on between these two sections of society who can't adhere to the maxim ' if you can't agree at least agree to be polite.'

Cutting out salt reduces the risk of heart problems by removing all the excitement from your diet
You can be pretty sure I've stolen this line off someone - it becomes ruefully more apposite the older I get.

Plenty of variety but no choice
Hey get me - distilling the whole of Chomsky's social critique into just six words. Tomorrow the whole of genetics in four letters ATCG.

Notebook 15 Pg 123

-The Notes-

• That which I do not deserve to love
• Midnight choir redux
• In that short window of pain I apply ether balm
• Unconstructed notes
• I have demanded it
• fantastical recompense

Adventursome Miss

we breached the mighty

cave of pretension

laid waste with withering

rapiers of knowing insight

We did have the sex

burn crucible passion

pestle slamming into mortar.

grinding

• my enemy mon enemy mon ey
• (Aliley - Camden)
• Lenny Cohen captured the drunk in the midnight choir but failed to recount the aftermath that to be free means to be afire

-The Commentary-

That which I do not deserve to love
This is like an anthem for all fifteen year old poetry writers who sit alone in their bedrooms as the prelude to a billion good cries - not so good for a grown man.

Midnight choir redux
An uttery shameless attempt to ride upon the coat tails of Mr Cohen

In that short window of pain I apply ether balm
I am not entirely sure where or when the short window of pain occurred but in retrospect the attempt to apply 'ether balm' would probably result in rendering oneself unconscious thus much more likely to fall out the high window of death

Unconstructed notes
A few points for honesty and accuracy I guess,

I have demanded it
I no longer have the a faintest idea what it was that I was demanding or of whom I was demanding from

fantastical recompense
Two great words that do seem to go well together. slightly marred by the fact that in combination they make no sense.

Adventuresome Miss

we breached the mighty

cave of pretension

laid waste with withering

rapiers of knowing insight

we did have the sex

burn crucible passion

pestle slamming into mortar

grinding

Well what can I say about the above that isn't best summed up in the words pretentious twaddle? Not exactly compounding my shining hour if I admit my inability to remember if I ever had the brass cahonjes to inflict this drivel on some poor woman. I can only hope the reference to Miss is a metaphor for muse or art or the feminine goddess or some such...I pray to Miss that is the case. Maybe half a point for the crude sex alchemy imagery. Barry Merlinalow!

My enemy - mon enemy - mon ey
I like what I did or at least was trying to do here.

(Aliley - Camden)
I don't like (or know) what I was trying to do here

Lenny Cohen captured the drunk in the midnight choir but failed to recount the aftermath that to be free means to be afire:
Oh for heavens sake! Leave the poor man alone Vincent. Go get your own profound lyrics. And whilst we are at it what in the name of Homer's donuts does 'being free means to be afire' mean anyway?

Notebook 01 Pg 26

-The Notes-

• Oh what times! What Morals - Seen on a poster in Tangalle
• Leg Before Wicket
• Twazzock
• Language Instinct
• Engaged citizenry deadline
• 500.00
• Bonio
• Nozbers; Alternative to Numbers (AP)
• Waves Thoughbers
• Wizes
• Compa
• Thumbers

-The Commentary-

Oh what times! What Morals! - Seen on a poster in Tangalle
Tangalle is in Sri Lanka and the whole country is festooned with these types of posters. Usually showing some MSGingly cloyingly cutesy scene; babies falling out of flower pots or dressed like fat giant bees. The accompanying strap line (in English) usually says something 'a child is a precious gift to defend against an unwholesome future' or some such nonsense - But Oh what times! What Morals is a quote from Cicero! Now 'Oh what times' is fair enough when looking back on a life or adventure or fulfillment but 'What Morals! seems as if one is criticising the present whilst saying wistfully 'Oh remember those times when we were so so moral, so poker stiff, judgmental and uptight. This seems like the pious boast said by someone you would have spent your Oh what times times trying to get away from.

Leg Before Wicket
This is the name of a very small,crowded cricket shop in Sri Lanka's teeming capital Colombo. Proof that just at the moment when you think that surely the laws of physics prevent anyone else from possibly working in such a confined space another smiley head will appear.

Twazzock
Simply a great word n'est pas?

Language Instinct
A thoroughly recommended book by Stephen Pinker - I happen to have a signed copy - not through any queuing devotion but because a big pile of signed books were sitting on a table when I went to buy it. There is no dedication, just his signature. So really it looks like I have stolen his copy in which he deliberately wrote his name to prevent such theft from occurring.

Engaged citizenry deadline
A term from the French revolution. This note was to remind me to include the concept in another writing project. I came across it whilst ploughing through Simon Schama's book 'Citizens'. Anyone familiar with Mr Schama's work will know that when I say ploughing I mean by hand, in mid-Winter over a field of Basalt.

500.00
A Sri Lanka unit of currency the 500 Rupee notes is the equivalent of about two pounds and fifty pense in sterling. This is worth remembering before you end up in a embarrassingly post-colonial shouting match with a three wheeler driver who you are getting your Sarong in a twist because he has overcharged you by the local equivalent of twenty pence.

Bonio
Dog biscuits - this was a a reminder to buy some for the pack of beach dogs who lived, patrolled and howled at solitary trespassing ants for three hours every night outside our room

Nozbers; Alternative to Numbers (AP)
Waves, Thoughbers, Wizes, Compa, Thumbers
Honestly gentle reader often on reflection I despair at the sheer scale of my hubris. These wierd words are all conceptual doodles as part of a huge ethical framework I have been working on that is / will be designed to replace the one we have. In less than three lines I was attempting to devise an entire system with the rigor and logic of Maths. Funnily enough the system under which I write such highly critical things is so kind and democratic that such obvious power mad ravings still do not make me ineligible to vote!

Notebook 13 Pg 51

-The Notes-

• 1689 cello - memorial 178
• Sculpture 18,0000 feet up Everest. We need new explorer
• WE"RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER PLANET
• * ESSENCE
• *enticed as I am by your honeyed words I'm gonna need some kissing
• The well - source Fountain Head
• Erase that from your mind
• Spontaneous moment of exhibitionism
• male nipple meddling control freak
• 'like telling someone who is having a wank to think positive'
• Camp Greek tragedy of a life scribbling petty rehashed truisms
• "Effectiveness of assertion (is) the alpha and omega of style"  G.B Shaw

-The Commentary-

1689 Cello
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I think something important in the world of cello may have happened in this year. Invented maybe? Seems a bit late. It could be the number of cello's I have seen in my life, though this would be a weird even by my sterlingly high standards

Memorial 178
I have a feeling this was another date but I have missed out a number on the end - probably one of the ones between 0 and 9, usually is.

Sculpture 18,000 feet up Everest
Is there one? Go and have a look for me. Cheers.

'WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER PLANET'
Ah who doesn't recognise this clever reworking of the 'gonna need a bigger boat' quote from Jaws. Alas the cold light of day reveals it to be little more than the scroodling of an epic egoist.

essence
A nice enough word but does it need writing down with no context at all at all?

'enticed as I am by your honeyed words I'm gonna need some kissing'.
Definitely lifted from a superior sit com of some sort (Frasier, Cheers?) but a great line especially in the face of a bland or rough request for something.

The well source fountain head
A note (unlike its subject matter) that went nowhere.

Erase that from your mind
If this was a note to self it worked.

Spontaneous moment of exhibitionism
If this was a note to self I hope it didn't work.

male nipple
This maybe related to the previous two notes.

meddling control freak
Maybe my mind was having a fight with itself and the last four notes were taken as
evidence for and against.

'like telling someone who is having a wank to think positive'
I see a half formed metaphor in this. I'm guessing it was something about uselessness and that people in the act of having a wank tend to be in a relatively good place (not like a surprise party etc, obviously)

Camp Greek tragedy of a life scribbling petty rehashed truisms
This seems very much like one of my alas none too occasional forays to the islands of self-pity and regret.

"Effectiveness of assertion (is) the alpha and omega of style"
G.B Shaw
A great quote to end a page which I go and ruin by repeating whilst disregarding.

Notebook 26 Pg 12

-The Notes-

• Inkhorn (AP)
• YNKe HorNE
• Phantasticall
• Watch Battery, Cream paint, Thank You card
• IGNORAMUS='We do not know'
• Horse Sense
• savvy - SABE USTED
• half inch - 1673
• water company, bread
• Flint Michigan

-The Commentary-


Inkhorn (AP)
YNKe HorNE
Now I know I use AP to stand for Action Point - but quite what I was supposed to be actioning around the the word inkhorn and its original spelling I have no recollection.

Phantasticall
This just sounds like a might be interesting word to use at some point, though I haven't yet.

Watch battery, Cream paint, Thank you card
I'm assuming is not a genius haiku catching the spirit of mundanity but is just a shopping list.

IGNORAMUS 'we do not know'
I can remember that this is the meaning of ignoramus and I thought if I was ever to call someone an ignoramus I should at least know what ignoramus meant when using it otherwise I would be an ignoramus squared I think.

Horse Sense
Seem to remember this is an American form of 'good common sense'. Why horse?

SAVVY - SABE USTED
Savvy is indeed short for sabe usted though note I never went and looked up what the heck SABE USTED means.

Half Inch - 1673
Hmm well maybe 1673 was the first time this rhyming slang expression for pinch was used but that's a guess which proves my notes are useless if every time I write something I then have to go and look up the thing I was taking notes about in the first place.

Water Company, bread
This may be another shopping list but I think I had to contact the water company as I'm sure I would have at least some memory of buying one.

Flint Michigan
Sorry, no idea.
_______________________________

Notebook 00 pg 00

-THE NOTES-

At sixteen I began to keep note books partly to off-set my atrocious memory and partly because I had notions of one day being a proper writer...one day.

Back then I possessed a hopelessly quaint idealism and so I put in a still vaguely adhered to guideline that I would try and filter what I wrote so it would only contain the optimistic and the insightful. Quotes, ideas, observations from philosophy,films, friends, books, TV, magazines, newspapers, toilet walls, anything that struck me as smart, funny or even better both.

Now truth be told a percentage of these books have been mentally spoiled by my former difficult relationship with alcohol.The occasional entry now reads like I was sitting next to (or more probably being) the eye rolling, monotone pissed bore who's determined to make their point regardless of its glaring obviousness and/or utter meaningless.

Now I have a big stack of notebooks crammed with writings on just about everything I have ever found even remotely interesting. Unfortunately this is no guarantee that you will also.

So every day I open a note book at random and try to write 500 words about what I have written there in.

The results will invariably be mixed. I hope you enjoy and my sincere thanks for giving me your time.